Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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