so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
