She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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