I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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