I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
