it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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