Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
