dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
