batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
