i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
