What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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