You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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