I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even my vagina gasped.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
