Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
