Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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