i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
