you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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