i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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