Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
