got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
