this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
