Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
