she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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