I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
