You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
