Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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