I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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