he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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