I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
