he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
