The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
