4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
