I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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