You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
