I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
