We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
