I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
