Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
