I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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