I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need moral support for this bender
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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