College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
