i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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