Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
