Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
