so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
