My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
