i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
