so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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