Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
