I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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