Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
