I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
