Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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