I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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