from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
