Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
