I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
