I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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