She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
